Joined: Jan 2008
What's everyone's favorites? These are a few that I've found and or heard along the way.
He's just as happy as if he had good sense.
She's pretty as a speckled pup.
This here's better'n snuff, ain't half as dusty.
He ran like a scalded dog.
She was as nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking
She's so ugly she'd run a dog off a meat wagon.
That stuff's as scarce as hen's teeth..
She's sorry as a two dollar watch.
He's so poor he'd have to borrow money to buy water to cry with.
He's wild as a peach orchard hog.
ThatÃ¢â¬â¢s slicker than hog snot on a gold tooth.
I haven't been this confused since I lost my chewing gum in the chicken yard.
It's rainin' like a cow pissin' on a flat rock
That's slicker'n greased goose sh*t.
He's so country he thinks a seven-course meal is possum and a six-pack.
If she crows, the sun is up.
He's riding a gravy train with biscuit wheels.
Too poor to paint, too proud to whitewash.
Cold as an ex-wife's heart.
He looks like the cheese fell off his cracker.
He can blow out the lamp and jump into bed before it gets dark.
Don't dig up more snakes than you can kill.
Even a blind hog can find an acorn once in a while.
He wasn't born, just squeezed out of bartender's rag.
As welcome as an outhouse breeze.
If brains were leather, he couldn't saddle a flea.
He couldn't pour piss out of a boot with a hole in the toe and the directions on the heel.
Noisy as two skeletons dancing on a tin roof.
I'd rather watch her walk than eat fried chicken.
He's like a blister--he doesn't show up till the work's all done.
Hotter'n a June bride on a featherbed
So dumb heÃ¢â¬â¢d try to push a chain.
Flatter than piss on a plate.
Where you going to find two men and a small boy,quick.
If that wasn't the stupidest thing you've ever done, I'd slap you silly.
Looking at me like a cow at a new fence.
Smiling like a jack*ss eating cactus.
That guy is harder to catch than my wifeÃ¢â¬â¢s boyfriend.
He's so stupid that if you moved his plate five inches to the left he'd starve to death.
Nice girl, but about as sharp as a sack of wet mice.
The engine's runnin' but ain't nobody driving.
As welcome as a skunk at a lawn party.
Big hat, no cattle.
He thinks the sun come up just to hear him crow.
She's got tongue enough for 10 rows of teeth.
Just because a chicken has wings doesn't mean it can fly.
He looks like the dog's been keepin' him under the porch.
They ate supper before they said grace.
They plowed and sowed before puttin' up a fence.
As full of wind as a corn-eating horse.
You can put your boots in the oven, but that doesn't make them biscuits.
Yankees are kinda like hemorrhoids, they're not too bad when they come down and go back up, but they're a real pain in the butt when they come down and stay.
He's seven bubbles off plumb.
So short he'd have to stand on a brick to kick a duck in the *ss.
Straighter than a fast trip to the outhouse.
Dumber than a barrel of hair.
Busier than a cat trying to cover up crap on a marble floor.
He's so dumb if you pushed his brain up an ant's *ss it'd rattle like a BB in a box car.
SweatinÃ¢â¬â¢ like a virgin at a prison rodeo.
So tired I about slopped the cows and milked the hogs.
Went over like a pregnant pole vaulter.
He's as greasy as fried lard.
So dusty the rabbits are digging holes six feet in the air.
The wind's blowing like perfume through a prom dance.
He's got a ten-gallon mouth.
(He, she, itÃ¢â¬â¢s) stickinÃ¢â¬â¢ around like a fart in a phone booth.
He's as sharp as a marble.
M.O.A.B. -the Mother Of All Barbeque
KCBS certified judges
|09-18-2008 04:45 PM
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